I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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