Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
