I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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