how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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