omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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