Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize