Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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