Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
