didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
