I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
