Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
