Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
