tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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