All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
