just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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