If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
