if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
