So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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