i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
