you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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