oh god the rape fog is back!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize