We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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