i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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