my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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