ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
