Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
