I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
