They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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