I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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