I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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