Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
