Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i barfeds in our rink
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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