I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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