Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
