yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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