i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
