if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
