I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
