Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize