My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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