I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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