C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
