My balls are so social today.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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