You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
