I wish I could teleport
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
