Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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