I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
