It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
