Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
