I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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