I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
