I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
