Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
