Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize