my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
