I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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