He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
