so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
