You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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