I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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