pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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