OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
