I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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