AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
