uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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