so let's talk penis.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
