You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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