I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize