I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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