I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
