i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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