I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
