I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
