real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
