Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
