You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
